The Psychology Behind Playing Hard-to-Get: Is It Effective?

The tactic of playing hard to get with a romantic partner is hardly new. Modern studies have analyzed the psychology behind this behavior, and its potential pros and cons.

By Brittany Edelmann
Jul 18, 2023 6:00 PM
Playing hard to get
(Credit: Shutterstock/Roman Samborskyi)

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When meeting potential partners, some of us are more aloof or act uninterested.

Charles Darwin noted this idea of playing hard-to-get in regards to mating back in 1871, which some have interpreted as coyness. This term, as defined by the Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, refers to “the fact of being shy or of pretending to be shy and innocent, especially about love or sex, and sometimes in order to make people more interested in you.”

Sound familiar? Research has actually documented this behavior or idea in humans many centuries prior to Darwin.

Whether or not it has ancient evolutionary roots, modern-day social scientists have analyzed the notion of playing hard-to-get and how this phenomenon impacts human relationships. That includes asking whether or not it is truly beneficial.


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